A good song to start the weekend

   Because its Friday and its fun and it has been stuck in my head for weeks.....
                   play it loud !!!!

Move over Vivian Ward

 Read all about how real sex workers are trying to make a difference. Way to go ladies keep up the good work!

My Period is an Asshole.

I hate my period.  I’m pretty sure that its ultimate goal is to have me kill someone so I rot in jail.  It’s a jerk like that.  

Right before, I am always fine and awesome!  Having a fantastic life – WHOOHOO!  Then, outta nowhere, I am just so fucking tired.  I can sleep for weeks without trying.  I know exactly what bears must feel like right before hibernation.  And… Ugh… I have the blahs.  It’s at that moment I realize what is going on… It has arrived.  The dreaded PMS.

Enter the mood swings.  Here is a typical Val Patent Pending PMS Moment:

1.  Everyone is chewing way too loud.  I hate them.  I hate everyone. 

2.  Go into an isolated area to escape the ridiculously loud chewing that is probably being    done on purpose… Just to piss me off.  Whisper yell at how disgusting it is. 

3.  Suddenly realize that my PMS is in full force and I am being irrational.

4.  Wow… Everyone probably hates me and is disappointed in my existence. 

5.  Sobbing crying breakdown ensues in 3. 2. 1.

6.  Sobbing.

7.  Holy shit… I am fucking crazy. 

8.  SOCK PUPPETS!!!!

9.  Laughing attack!

10.  More Crying.

11.  Holy shit…  I really am crazy! 

12.  TOE TOWN!!! (In case you don’t know what this is… I enjoy drawing faces on the bottom of my toes and making them talk... I know.  It does sound awesome.  Try it!!)

13.  More laughing.

14.  My vagina starts bleeding because all of the abdominal strain from crying and laughing.

15.  Repeat steps 1-13 for the next 5-10 days... Sigh.

And this is what I go through every month...  I want a penis.  Mostly so I can poke things with it.

<3

Valerie

A great take on the Tea Party flag...

See, we told you. If I can find this in bumper sticker form, I'll post the link.

Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs are making my ass fat

It’s that time of year again!!!  Yup, you guessed it… It’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg Season!

An Angel... and Devil.

 

Every year, Reese’s releases these delicious chocolate and peanut butter treats… And every year, I gain 5 lbs just looking at them.  I can’t help myself.  I love them, and I will tear them to shreds.  In my mouth.

The Secret is the 3 to 1 Peanut Butter to Chocolate ratio... and magic.

The chocolate to peanut butter ratio in these scrumptious eggs are so perfect that they must have been sent down directly from the Gods above.  I take one bite and I am magically transported to a field full of zombie prey.  Just me, my samurai sword and sawed off shot gun.  The sweet smell of spring mixed with some zombie death fills the air as the sun warms my skin… SIGH… Perfection.  And when a little bit melted, excess chocolate gets on my fingers, providing an extra special treat at the end of the snack?  I mean… Jesus H. Christ.  Is there a better candy?  The answer is NO.

We all have our own image of Valhalla. Mine involves the Zombie Apocalypse, a sword & an unlimited supply of both ammo & peanut butter eggs.

Last night I noticed that we only had one left.  So I did the sensible thing.  I hid that motherfucker so no one could eat it but me.  It was delicious.  And since there was treachery involved, it made it THAT much sweeter.

You may be asking yourself, “Valerie, why the hell do you buy them if you can’t control yourself around them??  Do you really need a fatter ass?!”  To which I would answer.. BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE THEM!!!  AND MY FAT ASS!!! STOP JUDGING ME!!!  Also, every year I find an excuse to buy them.  Actually, it’s the main reason I had kids.  Last year, my husband and I finished off a whole 6 pack with a glass of milk.  Then we had 2 more.  Each.  In the end, there were only 4 left, 2 for each kid.  Then I ate the rest of them on Easter whilst the kids were looking for eggs… I blamed the Easter Bunny and his obvious chocolate addiction.  God damn rabbits.

You can almost see the chocolate smeared on his face... & blood.

 

It always starts out the same.  I tell myself, “I only need one.. just one to make it through the day.”   Then, I think “Ok.. Just ONE more!!  Because I am TOTALLY going to work out tonight!”  Then I am fine. I can stop.  I don’t need anymore.  I’m full anyway.  That’s when I hear them… calling me…

"V" is for "VALERIE COME EAT US!!!!"

 

Next thing I know, I’ve eaten the whole lot of them.  And Eddie is trying to get me down off my sugar high whilst I run around the house in my underwear brandishing a plastic sword at the zombies that could be taking over the world at any minute.   

Tale as old as time, my friends... God help us all.

O.B. a Good GYN....yea I went there.

      After talking with Kaitlin the other day and hearing about the discouraging words her nurse gave her while she was in labor reminded me that this happens to women far to often. You can find that post HERE  if you haven't already read it. It just so happens later that night I had heard a very similar story from a friend who is pregnant. She had had her first visit to a new OB/GYN earlier that day. The doctor was rude and unsupportive. This is her first pregnancy and she left her doctor disappointed, sad and angry. Fortunately she has enough sense to know there are better doctors out there.

    Whether you are pregnant or just going for routine visits it is common to come across some asshole OB/GYNs. Which is sad. This is could be a sensitive issue for you. And the last thing you need is some jerkface being a total ass while you are in their cold office, legs spread, wearing a paper gown that probably ripped while you were trying to put it on. Not surprisingly there is a whole website dedicated to this subject.
      It is called,  http://myobsaidwhat.com/ . Some of the posts on there are unreal. Lucky for us girls it is there. It helps you understand, 1. you are not the only one who experiences this and 2. yes, your doctor really is an asshole, find a new one. It is important to remember that you don't need to put up with that kind of shit. The doctor works for you, not the other way around. It might take some searching but you can find a good doctor.

    I know this because I have one. He has never been anything but perfect. He listens & answers my questions. I never feel like I have a 5 minute time limit. He even calls back on a Sunday.
I was lucky, he was recommended to me by a friend. (I find this to be the best way to find any service you need.) I know some of you and your friends could be in the same boat so I am going to list some websites that may be able to help. But before you go searching, if you have insurance, make sure you get a list of doctors that your insurance plan covers, which will be on their website. And if you really luck out you might find reviews of the doctors by patients on there also. If not, I found these...

http://www.wellness.com/find/obgyn : they have a plethora of OB/GYNs listed. Unfortunately the few zip codes I entered didn't have reviews of the doctors. They had a spot for reviews but none were written. Maybe you will have more luck with your own zip code. At least it will give you a start. If there isn't a review google the doctors name, or ask a friend if they heard anything about him/her. If you have a good doctor go find them on here & write a review. Help out other women. I know I am writing a review of my doctor after I finish writing this.


http://www.ratemds.com/search.jsp?country=0 : this site actually has ratings & reviews!!! Yay! The reviews are good too. Not just reviewing the doctors but the the nurses & office staff as well. Give it a shot.

http://www.bestobgyn.org/ : I found this & got really excited. But when I put in a few states, way to many doctors were named Cheap Viagra. It must be an underground republican thing. Taking down woman's health care from the inside now! Damn old men, damn you!!!


http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/ : If you don't have insurance, even if you do,  Planned Parenthood could be an option. You would have to call them to see how they could work with you. As for reviews of specific Planned Parenthood locations, check out http://www.citysearch.com/allstates and http://www.yelp.com (not just for nightlife anymore.)


I hope this helped. Just remember its your body & you deserve the best care with no nasty attitude included.

Kaitlin Lee ~Doula in Training

Last week my friend Amber posted this on facebook.
My sister is training to be a doula, and is currently offering many services (emotional support, information, advice, etc.) and will attend births free of charge, to gain further experience. So if you're pregnant, or think you might be, or plan to one day, or know someone else who is, or if you still don't quite understand where babies come from - She is here to help :-) Feel free to pass along.

And that is how I cyber-ly meet Kaitlin Lee. I immediately thought this would be a perfect post for N.V. & a great way for Kaitlin to spread the word about doulas. Since right about now you might be asking, What the hell does a doula do? Kaitlin is going to answer that for us. Along with a few other questions that will come to mind when you find out.



1. What is a doula? (please be as specific as possible with this one)

The word "doula" is an ancient Greek word that translates as "a woman who serves". Now, it is a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to the mother before, during, and just after birth; or provides emotional and practical support for the postpartum period. (This description I grabbed from DONA.org, which is an organization that trains and certifies doulas, but any source will describe nearly the exact same thing. And I would explain it just this way for myself).


2. What is the difference between a doula and a midwife? And depending on your answer here.... Can a doula work alone or does a doula work with a midwife? ( if the second part doesn't apply just ignore it. haha... i have limited duola knowledge)

A doula and a midwife are NOT the same. They CAN work together, but one does not work FOR the other.

Your midwife is a primary healthcare provider. She sees you throughout your pregnancy. She assesses the overall health of mom and baby; performing vaginal exams, monitoring fetal heart tones, and assessing contraction patterns. She checks blood pressure, temperature, and urine. She will attend the birth, catch the baby, assess the baby, deliver the placenta (afterbirth), and examine it. She checks the mother's birth canal and perineum for damage, and stitches any tears that may have occurred. She does not typically stay with the mother throughout her labor, or after the birth into the postpartum period.

A doula helps the mother in a non-medical way. I work for the mother and her partner, not for the midwife/OB/hospital. I can be available for the mother as early as she needs me during her labor. In the early stages, I can answer questions about 'Is this really labor?', and as it progresses, I give suggestions on different positions to labor in and techniques to encourage the baby into position to be delivered and lowering into the birth canal. I help the mother be more comfortable, at times offer massage, verbal support, relaxation exercises, and encourage her to move to keep contractions regular and changing her cervix. I also help the partner find ways to help the mother so that he/she is also involved in the experience. I am available after the birth to see that the mother is comfortable, that the couple are doing well, and help the mother establish breastfeeding if that is what she chooses. I am her personal cheerleader, of sorts. And provide all that I can to ensure that she has the best birth experience she can have. Her birth is something she will remember for the rest of her life...

The midwife's first priority is the safe delivery of the baby, and the doula's is the mental well-being of the mother and the support to her family.


3. What made you decide this is what you wanted to do? (i know you delivered your 2nd child at home. i don't know if you had a midwife for your first birth or you gave birth in a hospital. in this question i would love if you could explain that & give a comparison)

I delivered my son in a hospital setting with a midwife. I went to a practice that had both OB/GYNs and midwives, but chose to see the midwives.

While I labored in the hospital, I had a nurse that was very discouraging. I had gone in not wanting an epidural or pain medications. Early in my labor, I expressed how I was afraid of the epidural, but I would get it if labor was more than I could handle. She told me I couldn't do it, and that I would be begging for it. Also, she told me 'You're not having this baby until tomorrow night at dinner time'. It was about 12:30 AM, I delivered close to 11AM. Touche!

Several times I had wanted to get up to walk, or move to a new position/labor on the birthing ball to get more comfortable during contractions,. This particular nurse would huff and puff because the monitors were falling off of my belly, and she only wanted me laying down in my hospital bed. A few hours went by, and my midwife would not be there to check my progress until morning. I was getting uncomfortable with contractions, and the nurse suggested giving me a dose of morphine. As a laboring mother, I did not think to ask what are the side effects, etc. She simply said 'We call it the morphine-induction. It should help you to sleep, and by morning you will have dilated'. My husband did not want to see me in pain, of course, so between the two of us I suppose we decided to get the shot of morphine thinking I could get some rest. WRONG!! Not long after, I was shaking uncontrollably. The same nurse comes in, puts me on oxygen. My blood pressure had dropped, and the baby was now in distress. She said she didn't know why I was shaking because that is usually a symptom of transition (last part of active labor where you dilate from 8-10cm). I was NOT in transition.

( I found out over a year after my birth from a nurse friend that I likely had an allergic reaction to the morphine.)

Finally, some time later her shift ended and another nurse was on duty. This woman, who very well could have been a doula if not a nurse, was a GOD SEND. She knew exactly how to support me throughout the rest of my labor. The morphine had worn off now, and she allowed me to labor in the jacuzzi, where I ultimately experienced transition and vomited in a towel that she held. THAT is SUPPORT! Haha. She showed my husband how to apply counter pressure to my lower back, as I had horrendous back labor. She had me laboring in different positions, told me how well I was doing.. I have never forgotten her, and all the support she gave me and my husband.

I know that is a long explanation to a short answer that, basically, the first nurse gave me such a horrible impression. And I don't want what I experienced that first time for ANYONE (regardless of the fact that I did, thankfully, get another nurse). Because of that experience at the hospital, I opted for a home birth with a midwife who specializes in home birthing for my daughter a year later. Although, my midwife did not make it to the delivery (I labored hard and fast), but my husband caught her on our living room couch. Something about the way my second birth went just really set this whole thing off.

It is true that it is a 'calling'. You feel compelled to want to help women, and empower them and remind them that this is so primal and ordinary. Your body knows what to do, you just have to let it. It hurts like nothing you've ever felt before, but don't let anyone tell you you can't do it, or that you will be 'begging for the epidural'. And if you are, SO WHAT?! It's all about having a positive experience, and more.



4. You are still in training, is it a school setting or more like an apprenticeship?

It's not a school setting in that I attend classes weekly. I do have to attend a workshop in late June 2012 with the ToLabor organization. I have several books I have to read, and be familiar with their content. I have to attend six births, and observe child preparation classes. I need to have 3 written evaluations of people I have assisted or worked with. And I need to complete a written exam, all for certification. http://www.tolabor.com/

Not every doula is certified. And a certified doula does not make a good doula. I think it is a good thing to have on your resume, and you certainly learn a lot through the program. But you learn a lot through experience!! I do plan on getting certified, but I just want to point out that there are hundreds upon hundreds of uncertified doulas that have attended hundreds of births, and make a difference.

My home birth midwife for my daughter is looking to bring me to births with her to gain experience, and get comfortable working with laboring women. I have not done so yet, but there are a few births coming up that I hope to attend.


5. Is there any medical training that you need?

No, it is not required for certification. As a doula, I won't be learning things like how to suture vaginal/perineal tearing. I won't be administering shots of pitocin. I won't be doing vaginal exams, or performing ultrasounds or using a fetal heart doppler. I won't be delivering babies. Doing any of those things would be practicing midwifery, which is illegal in the state of New Jersey without a license. In the future, my main goal is to be a home birth midwife where I will be doing these things. But it is years down the road still..


6. (this i have to ask because i know many people will wonder this) What if during a home birth there are complications during birth or complications with the baby? Is there a risk involved?

It is incredibly important to have a licensed and trained professional midwife or obstetrician when having a home birth. In the event of an emergency, these are the people who know how to act fast if the mother is hemorrhaging, or if the baby is non-responsive. These professionals have the equipment for mother and baby if there are breathing problems, and are trained in resuscitation. If the mother and baby need to go to the hospital, they set up a calm, quick transfer. You wouldn't run any more risk having a home birth than delivering in the hospital, given you are a low risk mother, etc. But that is all to be determined by the midwife or obstetrician.


7. The U.S is now catching up to other countries as far as alternative & homeopathic medicines, midwives & doula's are concerned. Do you think the medical industry & insurance companies try to make something as natural as having a baby scary? Or do you feel it has to do with overall limited knowledge that a majority of people have with their own bodies & childbirth? Maybe a combination of the two?

I think it'd be fair to say it's probably a combination of the two. I think the medical industry and insurance companies try to make birth out to be a big procedure, when it's not. Or it doesn't always have to be... And I think they take advantage of the limited knowledge that the majority of people have with their own bodies and child birth. The less mothers know about what their bodies are doing during labor and birth, the more control the medical industry can have. Isn't that what's scary? I'm not sure if this answers your question at all...



8. Do you involve any homeopathic treatments to your clients routinely?

Currently, I do not. But this would be another thing I would want to study, or take a class if available. I'm a supporter of homeopathic treatment.



9. To gain experience you are offering your services for up to $10. How much does doula services usually run?

Right now, I am not charging any fee since I am not certified, and am simply trying to gain experience. In reality, I just want to work with mothers THAT BAD. It's not even about the money for me right now. But an experienced doula, depending on the location, can vary greatly from $450 to $2000. Some doulas provide more than just labor support. They provide a lot of postpartum care, or are also lactation consultants or placenta encapsulation specialists, among other things. Depending on what the doula can provide before or after the birth, or what the mother chooses she wants, that particular doula may charge more or less.



10. Doula's are there for you before, during & after giving birth. You live in New Jersey. How close, location wise, do you feel you need to be to your clients?

I think an hour distance would be the max. I don't think it would be fair to the client to be too much further in case I can't get there right away. I don't want to delay providing my services when they need me.



11. Do you feel there is a limit to the number of clients you should have at a time? For instance, would you have to give a client to another doula if you already had a client with a close range due date?

Right now, I would not want to take more than one client a month. Of course, I'm so new and no one knows me that I'd be lucky to have one client every few months. I'm ready to book my calendar though! If I booked a second client in a month, I would only do so if I had a backup doula to attend their birth if I was not able to be there myself. I don't currently have a backup doula, so I wouldn't put myself or the mother in that situation.



Those were all the questions I asked Katlin. If you have questions or would like Kaitlin's services you can find her here. Kaitlin Lee Birth Doula Services .

Katlin also added this when she emailed me back her answers...

"I hope this has answered your questions, and that I gave an accurate description of what my goal is and how I want to help women. It's so important to be informed, and know that you have a choice and a say in your birth experience. Hospitals tend to put a time limit on labor, and labor can take days! Sometimes you just have to let it be.. If there are no complications, there is no need to intervene in the natural birth process (breaking the bag of waters, pitocin, forceps/vacuum, cesarean). I can't say that specifically to the mother's health care provider. But I can give her the knowledge, and lend her the voice to speak up for herself and what she feels is best for her and her unborn child."


Kaitlin, you most certianly did! And thank you for all of the information.
xoxo Nicole

How I Became a Karate Gold Medalist in One Day

Yesterday, Eddie and I made the journey to visit one of the most awesome people we know… I’m talking, of course, about Nicole. The trek to Nicole’s house is not to be taken lightly, as she lives in the middle of the woods. It is truly glorious there.  I wish I could live there too.  But that might be too fun for the world to handle; hence creating a break in the time/space continuum.  And we can’t have that, can we?

I drew you a picture of how the time/space continuum would be affected.  You're welcome.

Nicole and I decided we should visit a town nearby to enjoy the spring-like day.  The stores were all amazing!  Much like the tardis, they were bigger on the inside.  I found a fucking pair of Zombie Socks for Christ’s Sakes!!! And a steampunk skull!!!  Could this place get any cooler?!?  Apparently it could, for the epicness of the town was about to bust my brain wide open with glitter and a rainbow of silly string… Figuratively, of course.  Because if that REALLY happened, I would move there.  Immediately.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.

Enter the most adorable little antique store ever…

I would put this right outside my cubicle at work. To deter.. well, everyone really.

For voodoo.

For the measly price of $240, she can be MINE!!!

  

Conversation between me and Eddie:

Me:  Eddie… I need $5.

Eddie:  Why?

Me:  They are selling gold medals for Karate.  I want to be a champion.

Eddie:  ….. 

Me:  I’m the motherfucking Karate Kid. 

Eddie:  You are literally throwing this $5 away.

Me:  No, Eddie.  I’m saving your ass from future bullies.  No one will mess with you when they know your wife probably beats your ass with badass Karate skills.  Sweep the leg, Eddie.. Sweep the leg.

Eddie:  sigh

And then… I became.. A FUCKING GOLD MEDALIST IN THE ANCIENT ART OF KARATE!!!! 

I should get up extra early tomorrow to practice my moves.. and catch flies with chop sticks.

The rest of the day was used for showing off my awesome Karate skills…

Badass Motherfuckers.  Like Samuel L. Jackson and shit.

Look at the fear on the Bear's face... He knows Karate skills when he sees them.

Nicole's Ghost Agrees:  This is the best day ever!!!

 

Little Old Shop Lady:  Hi there!  Please let me know if I can help you with anything. 

Me:  Ok.  Thank you.

Little Old Shop Lady:  (upon noticing the Medal displaying my obvious talents)  DID YOU WIN A GOLD MEDAL IN KARATE?!?!

Me:  Yes!!! Yes I did!!! Today was a good day!!

Little Old Shop Lady:  Congratulations!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!

Me:  Thank you!!! 

Eddie:  (Leaves shop)

Nicole:  (Giggles in the corner)

Fact:  I taught Chuck Norris how to roundhouse kick.

Nicole also found a fucking Chicken Galore pin!!! I mean... What are the odds of finding a pin to your favorite chicken place located in your home town?! Not to mention how Nicole totally impressed the old man she bought the pin from with her knowledge of everything Chicken.  She promptly turned the pin into a magnet... Because Nicole is awesome like that. 

Then Nicole, Eddie and I spent a combined amount of $61 dollars on candy.  (Eddie is playing Bertie Botts Every Flavor Jelly Beans with the kids as I write this.)

Everything here is edible.

I don't play the Bertie Botts Game anymore... Not since the puke jellybean incident.

We ended the glorious day by meeting up with Nicole’s man (the one and only Rainer). We all went out for sushi so that I could show off my Very Important Award… And also because everyone wanted sushi.  (Except Eddie.  But he had a cheeseburger and was very happy.)  None of the people at the Japanese Restaurant commented on my Medal for Being Awesome at Karate, but there seemed to be a general understanding of its awesomeness.  It’s true.  I can just tell these things..

I'm ready, Chuck Norris... Let's do this.

to perfect not to post...

Nuff Said....

How Mannequin Hands Paid for Themselves in 24 Hours

Conversation between me and my husband 2 weeks ago:

Me:  Eddie!!! What's your credit card number???!??!

Eddie: ... sigh... Why?

Me:  I found imperfect mannequin hands on sale!!!!

Eddie:  What are you going to do with Mannequin Hands????

Me:  WHAT AREN'T I GOING TO DO WITH MANNEQUIN HANDS?!?!?!

Coffee anyone??

  

So the order was placed through a Mannequin parts wholesaler under a false company I created.  (Since they wouldn't just sell them to me.)  I waited ever so patiently for them to arrive.  Then the day came!!!  The Mannequin Hands arrived on ON EDDIE’S FUCKING BIRTHDAY!!!!  

Happy Birthday, Eddie!

 

And then… Then the merriment began.  And there was much to be had!!!

"So nice to meet you!"

NOM NOM NOM

ROAR!!!

OMG!! There's someone trapped in the couch!!

Mannequin Hands ROCK at Skyrim!

 

Even though there was a great amount of joy enjoyed by all, Eddie was still not convinced of the usefulness of the Mannequin Hands.  Luckily, we were to go to a horror convention that weekend, and I was determined as all hell to show him just what Mannequin Hands can do under the control of the right person……

Fun. Art. Mannequin Hands.

 And that’s when I decided to ask Anthony Michael Hall to sign one of my Mannequin Hands.  You know Anthony Michael Hall, right?

Breakfast Club

Weird Science

Dead Zone

Of course you do!

We waited on line for about 10 minutes before finally making it up to meet him.

Anthony Michael Hall:  How are you doing today?

Me:  Wonderful!! Will you sign my Mannequin Hand?

AMH:  Um.. Yea! Of course I will! Wow! I just gotta ask… What’s with the Mannequin Hand?

Eddie:  Don’t even ask…

Me:  Absolutely nothing!! I just love Mannequin Hands!!

AMH:  Well.. This was a great idea!! Thank you, Valerie!! Thank you for letting me sign your Mannequin Hand!!

And this is what he wrote….

"Touch Me Valerie - Anthony Michael Hall"

You're Welcome, Anthony Michael Hall.

 

With all the excitement of the Mannequin Hand Awesomeness, I totally forgot to hug Anthony Michael Hall… Which made me really sad because he was totally huggable!  Luckily, that was not our last encounter with Mr. Hall.

But first, this happened… 

I don't want to talk about this... ever.

The cast of The Blair Witch Project also LOVED Mannequin Hands!!! I TOLD YOU EDDIE!!!

Fast forward to midnight… Me.  Eddie.  Midnight Rocky Horror Picture showing.  And in walks Anthony FUCKING Michael Hall holding a corona with his entourage looking happy as hell to be there!!!  Front row seats!  A chick on his lap!  Dancing on stage with a Sweet Transvestite!  

Fucking. Hero.

  

On his way out, I decided to hug him (with permission of course!! Because I’m not going back to the Big House.. Not again.. Not ever!)  Not only did he hug me back, he whispered ever so gently in my ear “That’s right, mama… Hug it out…”  And that’s when I knew this man should be president… or at the very least be close and personal friends with me…

And then, on the ride home, Eddie says:

“WOW… THOSE MANNEQUIN HANDS WERE A GREAT IDEA.”

I. FUCKING. WIN.

The Other Side of Barbie is Bad

 Thank you, Rob Valente.
This was a status of Rob's back in January.

"i just saw this and found it so ridiculous...if this is the case and women strive to be a doll or fill these measurements... you have mental issues...go to a therapist...
i mean i had He-Man , GI Joe , and Transformer action figures as a kid. i played with them every day...
not once did i say shit i gotta hit the gym so i could look like He-Man... not once did i say... dude i got to start my own military special forces group cause i played with GI Joe. not once did i say F this i want to be an alien robot!!! GET REAL FOLKS... stop blaming shit cause you didn't turn out awesome!!!"
This was is the article he was referring too: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/galia-slayen/the-scary-reality-of-a-re_b_845239.html

Bet you wish you had Boot-Top Swivel. I feel a song coming on.

I had read the article prior to Rob's status. I thought at the time it was a bit over the top. I played with Barbie. I never thought I should be blonde haired, blue eyed, tiny tushed. I loved being a brunette & my tush.

But I never thought of it the way he did.

I thought he was right.

 Also, why are we focusing on Barbie's looks. Wasn't Barbie the lady of many occupations?? Rock & Roll Barbie (my fav), Vet Barbie ( i believe she comes with a puppy), Executive Barbie.

We're Barbie & the Rockers. Come on you know the words.

But isn't focusing on Barbie's looks instead of her talents doing exactly the opposite of what real woman want? And more importantly, why are we forgetting she is a TOY!!!

Mommy, why can't i look like a teddy bear??

Just some thing to think about.

The Sloth that Saved the World with an Effortless Grin

Look at this face....

No really... Look at it.

Take in his ever so slight smirk... Like he knows exactly what the meaning to life is... Like he can see into your soul.  This lil guy doesn't even know that tomorrow is Monday.  He's just happy living and being here.  Hell, he's just happy to see you. 

The moral of this post?  .... Really?  I guess you didn't get it the first time...  Look deep into his eyes...

You're welcome.