Tuesday, July 31, 2012

50 Shades... The Money Shot (aka the last book review)

I really do like smut... I really do!

Ok guys...  I did it.  I finally finished all 3 books.  I had to take some time off between books 2 and 3 to grow my balls back.  So I read "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" (which was a fan-fucking-tastic read by the way).

If you missed my reviews of books 1 & 2 you can click Here & Here. Also, here are some visuals of who might be playing Christian and Ana as per the talks on the internet.

Oh the things I would do to this man...
I know!!! I was all "Not HERMIONE!!"  But I bet she could pull it off!!

So I know you all are dying to know what I thought of the last 2 books.  If not, go do your reading, fool!  Now, I'm gonna go ahead and be honest here.  And some of you may not like what I have to say.  So if you have a hard core love for the book and don't like to read anything negative about it, click away!!!  Before it's too late.

You may want to stop here...  Just sayin...

Well, I didn't like it!! There... I said it.  After a while, the sex scenes got a bit repetitive.  And by the third book, they almost lost me.  No man gets hard again that quickly.  And for christ's sakes, can't they just have, like, a fucking conversation like normal people?!?  Anyway, none of this would have been a problem if the story could carry itself, which it couldn't.  If she had only stopped at the second book...


I think that the main thing that bothered me was that this supposedly strong female lead character still was ok with having to ask permission before doing ANYTHING.  Being a strong female lead character in my own fucking life, I just don't get it.  If Eddie ever freaked out because I decided to go get a drink with a friend like Christian Grey does in the book, I would backhand the shit out of him.

No, really.  He would end up having to tell people that he walked into a door so I was not arrested and put on an episode of Cops.  But that could just be my high testosterone talking....


Favorite parts of the book?  Chapters 5 & 6.  There's some butt plug action and car sex.  So don't read these chapters too far away from your vibrator or a working penis.

Least favorite line in the book?  "I'm looking forward to the taste of breast milk again." Calm it down, James...  Next step is someone shitting on a glass table..

Slow your roll there, James.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Good for you, Pauline!

  Meet Pauline Potter. She is holds the Guinness World Record for Heaviest Woman Living (but not for long). See it HERE .

 You see, Pauline lost 100 pounds by having sex, with her Ex-Husband Alex, seven times a day. “Even though one of Pauline’s legs weighs more than I do, we’re able to position her body to make sex enjoyable for both of us" said Alex.Which is the key to great sex no matter why you're doing it.

We know why you're smiling.

So if you are looking to lose some weight do it right & seven times a day. Hey, its way more fun then going to the gym.

If you want the whole story, READ IT HERE .

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Things that make you go hmmmmm.....

There are a lot of weird sex toys out there.  And we all have our own things in which we like.  Some people like to dress up as ponies and fuck each other...  Some people like clown sex...  Hell, some people even like to have sex in missionary position only, with the lights off...  Who am I to judge?

We don't judge... Unless it's really fucked up.  Then, we judge.

But some times, you come across things that make you think "What. The. Fuck. Man!!!!"  Here are a few for your visual pleasures... 

When Twilight goes too far

In case you didn't know.... That's a VAGINA in a FOOT.  Way worse than a splinter.

This one reminds me of Nightmare on Elm St.  "I'm your boyfriend now, NANCY!!!"

In case you get hungry...  for a fucking...

Baby Ruth?

This whole "mustache" thing is getting out of hand.

And my personal favorite.  Because sometimes you are way too good to fuck a mouth or an ear.  Sometimes you need to fuck a severed head...  IN THE NECK!!

I told you it existed, Nicole!  WTF MAN!!