|Platypus!! Fuck Yea! Here to save the motherfucking day!|
Did you know that the Platypus is venomous? No, you probably didn't. I’ll give you a moment to let that settle in... ... ... ... ... The male has a fang like apparatus located on each hind leg. They are called spurs. I believe they are called this because part of the dna combination that went into the making of this animal was Cowboy. It is a little known fact that when you mix the makings of a Cowboy along with a cobra, you get a venomous spur on a foot. This would explain why only the male is venomous and also where this venom is located. Unfortunately, the Platypus was created before women’s liberation brought us the invention of the Cowgirl. Although very sad, recent groups of activists are working hard to rectify this injustice as soon as possible. If you would like to donate money to this gracious cause, please visit their website.
|He knows he's adorable... and deadly.|
The mating ritual of the Platypus has rarely been seen. Living alone for most of their lives, they are known to congregate during the summer for their highly secretive mating rituals. Being a close friend, I was allowed to attend one of these mysterious pastimes last summer. Although I took a blood oath not to discuss this, I can say that it was as strange as it was spectacular; and, to this day, I still don’t know where they obtained that many feathers and tubes of KY lubricant. However, I am allowed to say that not only are the platypuses’ eggs amazing, they are also bedazzled by the parents within 32 hours of being laid in what has come to be known as the Ancient Ritual of Splendor.
|Behold the splendor.|
I could go on for days about the Platypus, but we need to leave some of its magnificence to the imagination, or it would end up being as mysterious as your typical housecat. I hope that this thesis helps you understand the brilliance that is the Platypus. Please go forward and love and accept the Mighty Platypus as he loves and accepts all of us..
|Love and accept the Mighty Platypus as he loves and accepts all of us..|