Wednesday, February 8, 2012

How to Make a Human T-Rex... & other adventures in Rope Tying 101

You went to what class??

V: Western Rope Tying 101. It's a beginner’s bondage class. Because… you never know when you might need to hogtie a bitch.
N: That pretty much sums that up.

What were your first reactions to the environment (room, setup)?

V: It was possibly one of the most awesome rooms I have ever been in. There were cages hanging from the ceiling and there were straps and mirrors everywhere. I imagine that this is what the inside of Marilyn Manson’s house must look like. Well, either that or it’s filled with stuffed animals and pictures of kittens. Anyway... The room was quite amazing. Kinky and classy at the same time. I would much like to redesign my bedroom in this fashion.
N: I agree with Val. The room was beautiful. The bondage stuff hanging from the ceiling looked like art. Someone who knows nothing of bondage would think these objects were relics from the medieval era. The room was painted a rich purple with gold accents. Also the place was spotless. Even the floor was shimmering. As people walked in with wet snowy boots someone was behind them with a mop cleaning it up. The bathroom was immaculate.

Kittens and whips... Manson's next album..

Why did you take the class?

V: For fun! To learn something new! Because I REALLY like tying people up! Also, it’s a useful skill to have. Since.. you never know when you might need to secure an intruder using only a 15’ piece of nylon rope… LET A MOTHERFUCKER TRY TO ESCAPE ON MY WATCH!!!!
N: Because whenever Val calls & asks me to do something I always say yes. Even if I might die, or in this case get starved & tied up. Yes…they starved me. They forgot my bagel. Shit got ugly later on. The class was from 1:30 to 5:30.

How was the crowd of attendees?

V:Well… Umm… In one word… Weirdest-bunch-of-fuckers-I-have-ever-seen. Wow... There is truly nothing like people-watching in a Kinkster's class. You get it all there!! From the eccentric gay couple who start disrobing halfway thru the class... to the older couple moaning with pleasure next to us. Not to mention the rather robust lady wearing a t-shirt with kittens on it. Or the creepster dressed in head to toe denim with Looney tunes characters on his shirt. This class had it all! There was even a man who looked alarmingly like Uncle Fester wearing a shirt that said “Bondage Instructor: I’ll teach you the ropes”. And said shirt was tucked into jeans that were pulled up to his neck. He also volunteered for EVERY demonstration. As the instructor tied him up, he had the most horrifying smile on his face. I still have nightmares about that Cheshire grin… *shiver*
N: The “creepster dressed in head to toe denim with Looney tunes characters on his shirt” happened to be sitting next to me. He tried to touch my leg & I slapped his hand. I didn’t make any new friends.

That awkward moment you realize you didn't get the dress code memo..

Did you learn anything?

V: Lots! Not only can I successfully hogtie a bitch, but I can also tie an unsuspecting bystander up so that he can only hop around with frog tied legs… and I can tie his arms up so that he is much like a Tyrannosaurus Rex! Then I can set him free so that he can roam the neighborhood chasing cats and growling and roaring at the neighbors.. It’s a skill I've always wished to possess.
N: Well I feel I would be helpful if I ever found myself on a sailboat; because I now know how to properly fold & store rope without it kinking up or splitting. By the T Rex segment I was too hungry to function. Let alone tie someone up like a T Rex. I’m a rope class burnout.

What materials were needed?

V: For this class, we needed 2 – 15’ ropes and 2 – 30’ ropes. The instructor provided colorful nylon ropes for us to use. Her trunk was a rainbow of naughty goodness!! And they were also available for purchase. Some people (the hardcores) brought their own.
N: Oh snap! She did it again….she forgot BAGELS!!!!!

Is it different than the Boy Scouts?

V: I would say so… Especially since various religious views and homosexuality are not frowned upon…
N: Aside from the open minded views and the hot pink ropes…not really. In fact ladies, if you want to be tied up, date a man who used to be a boy scout. My bet is, he’s got this shit.

Can different types of materials be used?

V: Nylon and hemp ropes work best for this type of rope class.

Were there rules in the class?

V: Oh... Oh yes... No cell phones, cameras... uhh… Sodomy, Vaginal intercourse... And, most importantly, Absolutely NO fisting!!! Because, apparently, at some point… this was a real problem…
N: Also there was a rule “ask before touching”. Looney Toon man must have missed that one.

Rule #1 in Bondage Class: No Fisting!
Rule #2 in Bondage Class: NO FISTING EVER!!!

Does it hurt?

V: Not if you do it right. The main thing to remember during bondage is to maintain an open level of communication with your partner. When tying someone up, you should always ask if they are comfortable and if they feel any numbness or tingling in their limbs. You want the ropes to be tight enough to keep them where you want them, but not too tight where you'll end up having to make that awkward call to 911. Because, I assure you.. at some point that call will end up on youtube. And the last thing you want is to have to explain to friends and family how “although that person crying for help to the 911 operator sure sounds like you.. and oddly enough has the same name.. it is SOOOOO totally not me, Mom! I swear!”
N: The instructor was very informative about the safety aspect of rope play. She repeatedly said you should be able to fit two fingers under the rope when tying someone up. Also you are taught to make the knots in such a way where they will not loosen or tighten up. If either of those happens, you did it wrong.

What was the dress code?

V: Comfortable attire as you will be tying someone or will be tied yourself… But, FYI: Lots of denim and exposed man boobs were fair game too.
N: I’m sure there were a few chastity belts as well.

What is Western Rope Tying? What’s the difference?

V: In the Western variation, the tying is more about bonding the person. Whereas the Japanese bondage is more about the way the rope is applied. I found the following saying on the internet that helped me differentiate the two: “Western rope bondage is beautiful women that happen to be in ropes; Japanese rope bondage is beautiful rope that happens to be on a woman.”

How was the instructor?

V: Very friendly and knowledgeable. However, we were not really sure if she was an awkward woman, a teenage boy going through puberty, or someone in the middle of gender transformation… Either way, (s)he was pretty cool.
N: She was great! She constantly had the class at her attention. I really like how she kept stressing the safety factors. She was very friendly & didn’t look at you like a dumbass when you asked a question.

Is it something you would do again?

V: Hell yea it is!! In fact, we are currently looking into taking a Japanese style class as well as a more advanced Western class.
N: Only if I get a bagel. No, I’m not letting this die.

Nicole's Bagel did AWESOME in class.

Can you teach me how to tie???

V: I can teach you the basics… which is really all you need to know. The rest is creativity!!
N: Val is lying she can teach you to make a human T Rex. I can teach you how to give the stink eye to men wearing too much denim.

Grrrrrr.... Arrrgh...


  1. I just learned how to tie a pork roast. Does that count for anything?

  2. You bet it does.In fact while in class i thought, i bet i could use these tricks in the kitchen.

  3. Just don't confuse the two..

    Disclaimer: N.V. is not responsible injuries, property damage, death or undeath that could occur during the tying of items, both alive or not, including but not limited to the undead. We are also not responsible for anything else. Ever. So there...

  4. I just figured out how to tie my shoes. Do they have classes on velcro bondage?

  5. Ohhhhh... I dig that idea. It could be like those gianormous Velcro walls that they have. And you wear the suit that sticks when you jump into it. But the suit in the classes could have cut-outs for easy access. Yea, man... I think we're on to something...