Things You Can’t Un-see: Clown Porn

Promise me one thing...even if the curiosity is almost too much to bear... swear to me right here and now that you will never EVEREVEREVEREVEREVER Google the words “clown porn”. Not even as a joke... not even as a “I bet it doesn’t exist and nothing will come up. I WILL DEFEAT YOU GOOGLE!!” shot in the dark. Because, let me tell you somethings… somethings you really can’t un-see. Let’s discuss, shall we?

Ok.. Now, it could be that my phobia of clowns taking over. But I just want to let you know that I am an avid horror movie watcher. I love being scared! Also, I love some weird fucked up porn movies. Anything that ends with a human head being popped off post cum to reveal an octopus is ok by me. That’s movie magic! That’s original! But clown porn?? No thanks.. I think I’ll pass.

Still, my curiosity got the best of me, and I went against my better judgment. I googled. If I could go back in time and undo it, I would. Gods helped me.. I googled Clown Porn. Have you ever seen a rubber chicken being rubbed on a pair of fake breasts? Have you ever seen a horrible clown make his “O” face? These are the things that will keep you up at night. I think clowns should not be anatomically correct. Like Ken dolls and David Hasselhoff..

You may be thinking: “I bet when the makeup smears a little bit, it’s not so bad. Just like overly done wannabe Hollywood starlets..” Let me assure you, my friend, this is not the case. By the way, did you know that hot girls dressed as clowns are not very hot at all? It’s like an ugly chick with a banging body. You still have to put the bag over her head to make it a worthwhile event.

Did you know that there is a group of people that you could hire to appear at your event to provide clown eroticism?!? I do now.. And this new found knowledge has made me a bit fearful of public situations… I think I’m gonna go sit in my closet for a while.. and.. cry..

<3

Valerie