Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Weird (Yet Fascinating) World of Pony People

How's a girl to choose?!
A few years back, I caught an episode of Real Sex on HBO (which is a spectacular show by the way). I’m not really sure if it’s on anymore, but it should be. If not, shame on you, HBO!! It’s like Carnivale all over again…motherfuckers. Anyway, this episode featured the peculiarness of the Pony People. These are people who like to dress up as horses for sexual roll play. There were whips involved as well as butt plugs with tails coming out of the end. The submissive would be dressed as a horse whilst the partner saddled up and rode them around in a field. They even did “fox hunts”. Use your imagination. Yea… It’s fucking weird.
This is what we call a Mind-Fuck. Good luck sleeping tonight...
By the way, I just googled Pony People and amongst all the sex sites that came up, one site linked to an actual horse riding place. The picture on the site had a kid riding a pony…awkward!!! I kinda wanna email them to let them know. Then they’d be like “Holy shit!! That explains all the weird fuckers in the barn with tails coming out of their asses!!! I had to turn the hose on those assholes 3 times this week alone!!” Then I would get a free pass for horse riding lessons as a thank you. But it would have to be used on a Wednesday afternoon or some shit like that. Cheap jerks! YOU CAN KEEP YOU’RE GOD DAMN USELESS PASSES!!! THAT’S THE LAST TIME I PLAY GOOD SAMARITAN!!!
If he's riding his mom, I'm moving to France.
Where were we? Ahh yes… pony fuckers. Much like the fabled Unicorn, the world of pony play exists. Actually, the world of Unicorn Play might also exist. Hang on, I’ll google— HOLY SHIT!!!
Yea, that’s definitely going on the “Articles to write” list!!!
So. People who are into this either want to be a human pony or want to own one. It is a type of BDSM (Bondage & Discipline Sadomasochism) to use fancy terms. Please note that it has nothing to do with bestiality; it is a dominant/submissive relationship.
Suddenly, my office job doesn't seem so bad.
Apparently, there are 3 kinds of ponies: cart ponies, riding ponies, and show ponies. Cart ponies are exactly what they sound like. They pull wagons or carriages with people in them. They usually wear bit-bridles and harnesses. Riding ponies are ridden bare back or saddled up. They also can have bite-bridles and blinders as well. Some even have custom made saddles.
On a personal note… if I were a pony person carrying around some bitch on my back, that saddle better be custom! Pink AND bedazzled, baby!
Because I'm fucking worth it!!!
And the last group, my personal favorite… Show Ponies! These are people who are actually trained to compete in pony shows. They are trained by others to perform choreographed pony dances and such. (Note to self: Look into attending one of these shows. Smuggle camera in.)
The world of pony play comes with its own land of gear. From dildo tails to hoof shoes. These people think of it all! I’m not into this shit. It’s just not my thing. But I will rock the Fuck out of some pony shoes…
I'm just saying... I will rock the shit out of these shoes...




  1. I want to meet unicorn guy. The shoes....that is definitely where lady gaga shoes come from.
    Also HBO Real Sex rocked!!!!


  2. That unicorn guy probably has the BEST stories!!! Because... I'm pretty sure you cant Not have awesome stories rocking that outfit.

    That last picture may actually be Lady Gaga... I'd be totally shocked if it weren't.

    HBO Real Sex is probably one of the best shows ever... I learned way more in one season than all my years in school... which probably isn't something to brag about.. ;0)