Tuesday, July 31, 2012

50 Shades... The Money Shot (aka the last book review)

I really do like smut... I really do!

Ok guys...  I did it.  I finally finished all 3 books.  I had to take some time off between books 2 and 3 to grow my balls back.  So I read "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" (which was a fan-fucking-tastic read by the way).

If you missed my reviews of books 1 & 2 you can click Here & Here. Also, here are some visuals of who might be playing Christian and Ana as per the talks on the internet.

Oh the things I would do to this man...
I know!!! I was all "Not HERMIONE!!"  But I bet she could pull it off!!

So I know you all are dying to know what I thought of the last 2 books.  If not, go do your reading, fool!  Now, I'm gonna go ahead and be honest here.  And some of you may not like what I have to say.  So if you have a hard core love for the book and don't like to read anything negative about it, click away!!!  Before it's too late.

You may want to stop here...  Just sayin...

Well, I didn't like it!! There... I said it.  After a while, the sex scenes got a bit repetitive.  And by the third book, they almost lost me.  No man gets hard again that quickly.  And for christ's sakes, can't they just have, like, a fucking conversation like normal people?!?  Anyway, none of this would have been a problem if the story could carry itself, which it couldn't.  If she had only stopped at the second book...


I think that the main thing that bothered me was that this supposedly strong female lead character still was ok with having to ask permission before doing ANYTHING.  Being a strong female lead character in my own fucking life, I just don't get it.  If Eddie ever freaked out because I decided to go get a drink with a friend like Christian Grey does in the book, I would backhand the shit out of him.

No, really.  He would end up having to tell people that he walked into a door so I was not arrested and put on an episode of Cops.  But that could just be my high testosterone talking....


Favorite parts of the book?  Chapters 5 & 6.  There's some butt plug action and car sex.  So don't read these chapters too far away from your vibrator or a working penis.

Least favorite line in the book?  "I'm looking forward to the taste of breast milk again." Calm it down, James...  Next step is someone shitting on a glass table..

Slow your roll there, James.

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