Fifty Shades of Naughty, Naughty Sex

Fifty Shades of Sexy Time!

 

I first heard about Fifty Shades of Grey from the lovely ladies at work.  And upon hearing that it was an erotica novel about bondage, I was immediately in! 

Where do I sign up?

For those of you who haven't read it, the book is about an attractive billionaire with a haunted past and a super kinky side who meets a virgin beauty.  The billionaire, Christian Grey, seduces our heroine, Anastasia Steele, with charm, good looks and that bad-boy-with-a-heart-of-gold-who-needs-saving-from-himself thing that us women love so much. 

There was a ton of discussion at work on who would play the lead characters.  Here are our favs:

Henry Cavill as Christian Grey (It was unanimous!!)

The vote for Ana was scattered. But I always pictured Alison Lohan in my head.

My favorite sentence of the whole novel?  "Wow.. I am in awe and slightly daunted by this underwear."  HAHAHAHA!  Just. Wonderful. 

The writing wasn't the best but not horrible.  However, there were a few things that the author, E.L. James, wrote that annoyed the shit out of me.  For instance, she likes to use the term "quickening" to describe Ana's climb towards the big O.  Really??  Maybe it's because I'm a mom, and I'm used to that term describing the movement of the baby.  It just irked me.  Also James, uses the phrase "oh my".  A LOT.  Like... once a page.  If you are a fan of Howard Stern, you may have heard the sound bites of George Takei using this phrase.  It's HILARIOUS when he says it!  You can hear it HERE.  Unfortunately, every time I read it in the book, I would think of this and giggle.  Which can be a bit distracting.

As you may or may not have realized, I have kind of a dominant personality.  I know...  I hide that shit well.  This book made me realize what a god-awful Submissive I would be.  Grey's character is very controlling, and not just in the bedroom.  From what Ana eats to how much she sleeps, Grey wants to be in charge of it all.  I spent most of those scenes rolling my eyes and being annoyed.  Like I said... dominant personality.   I probably would have told him to go fuck himself.  Unless, of course, he looked like Cavill.  Then, you know... Whatever you want..

SIR YES SIR!!!!

So. Blah, Blah, Blah... Let's talk about the sexy time.  And there's a lot of it.

The scenes in the book are pretty fucking hot.  I enjoyed them.  Literally.  My who-ha is sore.  I'm not gonna lie.  Sometimes I would skim through the boring parts to get to the meat and potatoes, so I could take care of business.   

I won't ruin it for you.  You should read it yourself...  But you should know the following before reading:

1. This book may cause you to have a great amount of sex with your significant other...  Much to their enjoyment (and confusion if they have no idea what you're reading).
2. You may totally wear your batteries right the fuck out... Mid fun-time.  So always have back ups.
3.  This is not appropriate reading material for work.  Be forewarned!!!  Should you decide to read this at work, you may get sweaty and have to keep your legs tightly crossed.  The rest of the day will be very uncomfortable.

Most of the sex in this book was just kinky sex, not serious bondage.  I hear there is more actual bondage-type sex in book 2, which I am starting tonight.  I also picked up more batteries for my little friend.  Anyway, I'll let you fuckers know next week.

<3

Valerie