Just a Quick Follow Up

     If you are pregnant, or curious about a birth with a midwife or a doula, you should make a point to see
 The Business of Being Born. I found it very informative. They even cover a mom who planned to have a home birth but due to complications needed to go to the hospital. 

It is available now on instant netflix but if you don't have netflix: here is the movie's website .

3 Midwives, 2 Babies, 1 Jeanie

   Val has two beautiful daughters. I, on the other hand, am sticking with puppies ( and a pig, when I can convince Rainer this is a great idea).  I do have a 10 year old brother & a 6 going on 18 year old sister; and a wonderful stepmother named Jeanie.
    One of my favorite things about our little blog is bringing information to people. Things they might be curious about or never even considered. Such as this  post, this  post and, THIS post (which could save your life).
  Keeping in that spirit, Jeanie answered some questions about the birth of  my brother & sister. She used midwives for both pregnancies & never needed a doctor. She answers all questions honestly from her own experience as only she could.

     Note to readers :
          1. Nick is her husband; my dad. 
          2. Jeanie, uses the term "sloshing around"
          3. She refers to giving birth as a "show". Its easy to see why I have the best step mom EVER!

1. You had both of your children delivered by a midwife. What made you choose a midwife over the more common OB/GYN?

I was looking for a woman OB/GYN, one that was local and naturally one that took my insurance.  Nick and I went to the initial appointment together. We knew without saying a word to each other that this was not a place for us. We waited over an hour. There only seemed to be the Dr. and someone at the desk. The office seemed uninviting and when I was told to put my “sample” in a dixie cup and leave it on top of the toilet, I should have walked out. We only stayed to hear our good news and never went back. 

2. How did you find your midwife? How did you hear about her/them & why did you end up choosing her/them?  I found them through the internet. I made an appointment and Nick and I interviewed them. We decided to go with a mid-wife to have a more natural experience. The place we chose had 3 mid-wives. We met them all and saw them one at a time for my appointments. I loved them all. It was nice to know that whoever was on duty one of them would be there for me. I didn’t have to worry if my Dr. would not be available.

3. What do you feel the benefits are of having a midwife over an OB/GYN?

They treat you like you are having a baby. That it is the most natural thing in the world. I felt like I was visiting a woman that went through the same thing I was going through and was well qualified to guide me.

4. Although you had a midwife you gave birth in a hospital. Is this common? Was an at home birth ever an option for you?

They were affiliated with our local hospital. I believe midwives have to have a Dr. that sponsors them. I never met their doctor since I had no complications during my pregnancies. I wanted to be in a hospital in case something went wrong with the birth. I never wanted to have my children at home. Although thinking back on it, Nick would have taken better care of me then the nurses up in the recovery room.

5. Did you need a special release from the hospital to have a midwife deliver your babies or was the midwife affiliated with the NY Methodist? (That is the hospital name right?) 

Yes, it was Methodist. No release was needed.

6. I was there both times you gave birth. We were allowed to stay in the room with you up until delivery. And it didn't seem like the hospital minded that we at some points had a lot of people in there. How do you think having family around benefited you while in labor? Or did we all just drive you nuts?

You didn’t drive me nuts at all! It was nice. You guys saw me through the whole 9 months. My side of the family was not really close enough to be involved. I suppose you could have stayed for the whole “show” but I’m to shy for that! Having family around sure does pass the time, especially when I have family that was excited as I was.

7. As I remember you received epidurals for both babies. Did the midwives, encourage or discourage this. Or did they really let you call the shots & kept their opinions to themselves?

They knew that Jackson was going to be big and I went into labor around 1:00 am. I didn’t sleep all night and went into the hospital around 9 in the morning. The mid wife came to see me right away and suggested it. I would not have the energy to push at the end. He was over 9 pounds. I also had one with Anna. I told them that I wanted to have an epidural and never felt like I was no less a woman. I really felt I was making my own decisions with informed guidance.

Side note here: When my dad heard Jeanie's answer he said" NOOO, that's not why you got the epidural with Jackson". He explained the labor stopped around 1 in the afternoon. The midwives were afraid that Jeanie would not have enough strength to make it if she didn't get some sleep. So they gave her the epidural when labor stopped so she could rest and be able to push when the labor started again; avoiding a C section. But she went back into labor around 2 still not having any sleep. Jeanie was surprised she forgot about that. In short Jeanie and my dad were both happy she had the epidural.

8. The hospital room you gave birth in I can only describe as the Batcave of maternity rooms. It looked like a hotel room, but at delivery time the bed broke away & lights literally came down from the ceiling. Did this setting make you feel more relaxed?

 I liked that I didn’t have to go anywhere like a delivery room. Everything was there. Too bad I couldn’t stay after giving birth. The recovery room was not comfortable. Since it was the evening by the time I got settled in there was not a lot of help from the night nurses and the woman next to me was snoring all night! Back to reality.

9. Is a maternity room like that available to all mothers to be at NY Methodist or did you get that room because of the midwife services?

Every mother gets a room like mine. Some actually have Jacuzzis. I did not partake in the Jacuzzi….didn’t want everybody to see me in my birthday suit sloshing around.

10. Would you change anything about your pregnancies and births with your midwives?

It all went as planned! I am pretty lucky. I still see them today for my yearly.


   After I wrote up this post i was on the phone with Jeanie talking about the days Jackson & Anna were born. Jeanie said she had fun answering the questions. She said " All women like talking about their births because its like I AM AMAZING". Can't argue with her there.

A good song to start the weekend

   Because its Friday and its fun and it has been stuck in my head for weeks.....
                   play it loud !!!!

Move over Vivian Ward

 Read all about how real sex workers are trying to make a difference. Way to go ladies keep up the good work!

My Period is an Asshole.

I hate my period.  I’m pretty sure that its ultimate goal is to have me kill someone so I rot in jail.  It’s a jerk like that.  

Right before, I am always fine and awesome!  Having a fantastic life – WHOOHOO!  Then, outta nowhere, I am just so fucking tired.  I can sleep for weeks without trying.  I know exactly what bears must feel like right before hibernation.  And… Ugh… I have the blahs.  It’s at that moment I realize what is going on… It has arrived.  The dreaded PMS.

Enter the mood swings.  Here is a typical Val Patent Pending PMS Moment:

1.  Everyone is chewing way too loud.  I hate them.  I hate everyone. 

2.  Go into an isolated area to escape the ridiculously loud chewing that is probably being    done on purpose… Just to piss me off.  Whisper yell at how disgusting it is. 

3.  Suddenly realize that my PMS is in full force and I am being irrational.

4.  Wow… Everyone probably hates me and is disappointed in my existence. 

5.  Sobbing crying breakdown ensues in 3. 2. 1.

6.  Sobbing.

7.  Holy shit… I am fucking crazy. 

8.  SOCK PUPPETS!!!!

9.  Laughing attack!

10.  More Crying.

11.  Holy shit…  I really am crazy! 

12.  TOE TOWN!!! (In case you don’t know what this is… I enjoy drawing faces on the bottom of my toes and making them talk... I know.  It does sound awesome.  Try it!!)

13.  More laughing.

14.  My vagina starts bleeding because all of the abdominal strain from crying and laughing.

15.  Repeat steps 1-13 for the next 5-10 days... Sigh.

And this is what I go through every month...  I want a penis.  Mostly so I can poke things with it.

<3

Valerie

A great take on the Tea Party flag...

See, we told you. If I can find this in bumper sticker form, I'll post the link.

Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs are making my ass fat

It’s that time of year again!!!  Yup, you guessed it… It’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg Season!

An Angel... and Devil.

 

Every year, Reese’s releases these delicious chocolate and peanut butter treats… And every year, I gain 5 lbs just looking at them.  I can’t help myself.  I love them, and I will tear them to shreds.  In my mouth.

The Secret is the 3 to 1 Peanut Butter to Chocolate ratio... and magic.

The chocolate to peanut butter ratio in these scrumptious eggs are so perfect that they must have been sent down directly from the Gods above.  I take one bite and I am magically transported to a field full of zombie prey.  Just me, my samurai sword and sawed off shot gun.  The sweet smell of spring mixed with some zombie death fills the air as the sun warms my skin… SIGH… Perfection.  And when a little bit melted, excess chocolate gets on my fingers, providing an extra special treat at the end of the snack?  I mean… Jesus H. Christ.  Is there a better candy?  The answer is NO.

We all have our own image of Valhalla. Mine involves the Zombie Apocalypse, a sword & an unlimited supply of both ammo & peanut butter eggs.

Last night I noticed that we only had one left.  So I did the sensible thing.  I hid that motherfucker so no one could eat it but me.  It was delicious.  And since there was treachery involved, it made it THAT much sweeter.

You may be asking yourself, “Valerie, why the hell do you buy them if you can’t control yourself around them??  Do you really need a fatter ass?!”  To which I would answer.. BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE THEM!!!  AND MY FAT ASS!!! STOP JUDGING ME!!!  Also, every year I find an excuse to buy them.  Actually, it’s the main reason I had kids.  Last year, my husband and I finished off a whole 6 pack with a glass of milk.  Then we had 2 more.  Each.  In the end, there were only 4 left, 2 for each kid.  Then I ate the rest of them on Easter whilst the kids were looking for eggs… I blamed the Easter Bunny and his obvious chocolate addiction.  God damn rabbits.

You can almost see the chocolate smeared on his face... & blood.

 

It always starts out the same.  I tell myself, “I only need one.. just one to make it through the day.”   Then, I think “Ok.. Just ONE more!!  Because I am TOTALLY going to work out tonight!”  Then I am fine. I can stop.  I don’t need anymore.  I’m full anyway.  That’s when I hear them… calling me…

"V" is for "VALERIE COME EAT US!!!!"

 

Next thing I know, I’ve eaten the whole lot of them.  And Eddie is trying to get me down off my sugar high whilst I run around the house in my underwear brandishing a plastic sword at the zombies that could be taking over the world at any minute.   

Tale as old as time, my friends... God help us all.