Couch Fucking Gone Wrong

Every once in a while, a news article comes across my path that makes me laugh so hard that I spit coffee out of my nose.  Today just that happened.  And though it hurt like a motherfucker, it was well worth reading about the Couch Fucker.  You can get your laugh by clicking HERE.  (Please do not drink fluids whilst reading this story.)

But not in public...

 
Apparently,  Mr. Couch Fucker came upon an abandoned couch on a curb near his apartment complex and that's when the sweet music of Barry White started playing in his head.  He got the feeling, my friends, for some sexual healing.  Unfortunately for him, right in the middle of his sexual healing, a cop came jogging past.  

Cops always want to ruin someone's fun

Then the chase ensued!  THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT!!!  The cop chased the Couch Fucker down!  HAHAHAHA!  I like to imagine that his dick was still out for the chase. 

RUN BITCH!  RUN!

The best part is he ran home!  Leading the off duty cop right to his apartment complex.  What a fucking rookie.  I hope they put this guy away for a few months...  Just so he will have to tell the other prisoners what he's in for. 

Only Rick James can fuck a couch correctly.

Sampat Pal Devi is the new word for BADASS HERO

    

                                                         
             Sampat Pal Devi is the founder/leader of the Gulabi Gang. Gulabi, which comes from the Indian word meaning pink or rose, is the color of the saris the women of this gang wear. 
  
       That's right, there's a gang in India made up of women wearing pink saris. Whats so badass about that? Well pull up a fucking chair & make yourself all cozy, bitch. Do I got a story for you. 
   
     Sampat has numerous violations with the law including attacking a government official, rioting and, obstructing the course of justice. What provokes Sampat to take such measures you ask;  rape, child brides, domestic violence, government officials taking bribes and denying lower class citizen government jobs. 
                                     
                                    FUCK YEA SHE IS A BADASS HERO!!!
 
         Sampat was married off at 12 and had her first baby at 15. Now the mother of five children, Sampat gives a voice to those who don't have one. People come from all over India to seek her council & assistance. 
   
     HERE is a link  explaining more about Sampat & the Gulabi Gang. It also gives Sempat's bio along with some of the other women in the Gang.
      
     The article also tells how The Gulabi Gang kept watch on trucks delivering rations to poverty stricken families. When Sampat discovered that the trucks were going to the open markets, the Gulubi Gang intercepted them and took the goods to local administration. When a report wasn't written up by the local police the Gang resorted to Lathi.
      
     Lathi is a style of stick fighting (you can learn more about the art here) that  Sampat teaches to her girls. So they can protect themselves & their communities from injustice. 

     (You all hear that in the background??? *Falsetto... BADASS HEROOOOOOO)


     Right HERE is the Gulabi Gang's site. You can learn more about their mission and make  donations to the cause.

 
  The Gulabi Gang is doing their work in the video below. You can also see the schools that  they have built through donations given to the site above.

   



 

                                                               

50 Shades... The Money Shot (aka the last book review)

I really do like smut... I really do!

Ok guys...  I did it.  I finally finished all 3 books.  I had to take some time off between books 2 and 3 to grow my balls back.  So I read "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" (which was a fan-fucking-tastic read by the way).

If you missed my reviews of books 1 & 2 you can click Here & Here. Also, here are some visuals of who might be playing Christian and Ana as per the talks on the internet.

Oh the things I would do to this man...

I know!!! I was all "Not HERMIONE!!"  But I bet she could pull it off!!

So I know you all are dying to know what I thought of the last 2 books.  If not, go do your reading, fool!  Now, I'm gonna go ahead and be honest here.  And some of you may not like what I have to say.  So if you have a hard core love for the book and don't like to read anything negative about it, click away!!!  Before it's too late.

You may want to stop here...  Just sayin...

Well, I didn't like it!! There... I said it.  After a while, the sex scenes got a bit repetitive.  And by the third book, they almost lost me.  No man gets hard again that quickly.  And for christ's sakes, can't they just have, like, a fucking conversation like normal people?!?  Anyway, none of this would have been a problem if the story could carry itself, which it couldn't.  If she had only stopped at the second book...

STOP!!!!!

I think that the main thing that bothered me was that this supposedly strong female lead character still was ok with having to ask permission before doing ANYTHING.  Being a strong female lead character in my own fucking life, I just don't get it.  If Eddie ever freaked out because I decided to go get a drink with a friend like Christian Grey does in the book, I would backhand the shit out of him.

No, really.  He would end up having to tell people that he walked into a door so I was not arrested and put on an episode of Cops.  But that could just be my high testosterone talking....

Exactly!

Favorite parts of the book?  Chapters 5 & 6.  There's some butt plug action and car sex.  So don't read these chapters too far away from your vibrator or a working penis.

Least favorite line in the book?  "I'm looking forward to the taste of breast milk again." Calm it down, James...  Next step is someone shitting on a glass table..

Slow your roll there, James.

Good for you, Pauline!

  Meet Pauline Potter. She is holds the Guinness World Record for Heaviest Woman Living (but not for long). See it HERE .

 You see, Pauline lost 100 pounds by having sex, with her Ex-Husband Alex, seven times a day. “Even though one of Pauline’s legs weighs more than I do, we’re able to position her body to make sex enjoyable for both of us" said Alex.Which is the key to great sex no matter why you're doing it.

We know why you're smiling.

                                       

So if you are looking to lose some weight do it right & seven times a day. Hey, its way more fun then going to the gym.

If you want the whole story, READ IT HERE .

Things that make you go hmmmmm.....

There are a lot of weird sex toys out there.  And we all have our own things in which we like.  Some people like to dress up as ponies and fuck each other...  Some people like clown sex...  Hell, some people even like to have sex in missionary position only, with the lights off...  Who am I to judge?

We don't judge... Unless it's really fucked up.  Then, we judge.

But some times, you come across things that make you think "What. The. Fuck. Man!!!!"  Here are a few for your visual pleasures... 

When Twilight goes too far

In case you didn't know.... That's a VAGINA in a FOOT.  Way worse than a splinter.

This one reminds me of Nightmare on Elm St.  "I'm your boyfriend now, NANCY!!!"

In case you get hungry...  for a fucking...

Baby Ruth?

This whole "mustache" thing is getting out of hand.

And my personal favorite.  Because sometimes you are way too good to fuck a mouth or an ear.  Sometimes you need to fuck a severed head...  IN THE NECK!!

I told you it existed, Nicole!  WTF MAN!!

The Edible Undies Experiment

1. Obtain a package of Edible Undies for $4.95 plus tax
 

Strawberry Champagne flavored... Because we've got class

2. Have Nicole over carrying 2 bottles of Pimms on her person
3. Drink 1 bottle 

Go out and get some.

4. Sunbathe
5. Eat cheeseburgers
6. Drink 0.5 bottles
7. Decide more Pimms are needed
8. Call various liquor stores asking if they carry Pimms.  Maintain a British accent.  Do not giggle.
9. Get more Pimms.

All the fucking time.

10. Drink 1 bottle of Pimms
11. Have Nicole's fiance show up
12. Give Nicole's fiance a glass of Pimms... and... shots of tequila... and... vodka
13. Drink a bottle of Pimms
14. Shit gets real

Exactly.

15. Stuuuuuuuffff
16. Nicole's fiance falls asleep
17. Break out the Edible Undies and pose the box on his face

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

18. Giggle madly
19. Open box and carefully take out undies which seem to be made of a thin fruit roll up

20. Undies break immediately

If Only we got this far...  If only..

21. Be pissed
22. Play with parts of panties
23. Put panties on sleeping fiance

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

24. Giggle madly
25. Play tug with panties

26. Take bite of panties
27. Dry heave at how utterly disgusting they are
28. Spit panties out
29. Vow to the gods that edible panties will never again touch your lips... either of them
30. Wake up the next day hung over and wondering why your lips are so red 

Never. Again.

And that, my friends, is why you should just make your own panties out of fruit roll ups.  But that experiment is for another day....

WTF China, Seriously???

Let us begin here......

  

OK now once we have all stopped our giggles & mocking we should make clear on the fact, yes:  that is a   pussy. It is a male sex toy. In their defense at certain angles it does look like a mushroom. The color, the dirt stains.... but wow. Wow. Given the fact that China produces about 80% of the world's sex toys what the fuck is wrong with these people?

 My favorite quotes:
1. we dug out this meaty object. ( that's what she said)
2. it has eyes and a nose

Have these people ever seen a vagina??? I wonder because that thing has a clit & labia. Come on, they measured it!!! This might be the greatest news story since that stripper at Hot22  was collecting human body parts from a Med Student client. (I would have taken those parts too, honey.. i was rooting for you.)
I also love the part about how the Emperor used the herb/mushroom in his mixture for longevity. I don't need to make a joke here. That is all you my blogy friends.