ICEBERG AHEAD!!!!

Well... It's that time of the week again.  We are on the Titanic of the week and Monday is a giant iceberg that will bring us to the bottom of the ocean.  Let us join together and share that floating door.  And not kill Jack... on purpose. (I mean seriously... they barely even fucking tried to both get on the raft.  One god damn try and they give up??  I call bullshit on that!!!) 

It's not fucking rocket science, you fucking morons!

Anyway...  Without further ado we present for your enjoyment...  A video of animals trying to sexy time people with Yakety Sax being played in the background.

Stay strong, people.

Male Birth Control

 I was going to write up a little something about a new form of Male birth control. In my research i came across a very well written article that is easy to understand. It even includes a diagram, a "set it and forget it" joke, the authors name is Jon Clickenbeard...need i say more.

So without further ado....Jon Clickenbeard's wonderful article HERE !

Valerie now loves me a bit more....

Valerie  has started her own blog to show the world the way she sees it. Its pretty fucking funny if i say so myself. and i'm not saying that because its Valerie she knows i'd tell her if it sucked.

So read it HERE bitches.

xoxox Nicole

50 Shades of Grey... in my pants.

I started reading 50 Shades of Grey yesterday.  The girls at work have been all hot and bothered by it and I wanted in on the action.  I will be doing a review of it next week.

Just an FYI for those of you who decide to read it too... Don't read it on your lunch break at work.  Because you will most likely be uncomfortable for the rest of the day.  And maybe a little sweaty. And then, when you turn your ipod on, Sexual Healing will automatically be the first thing to play.  Because my ipod is weird like that. 

Anyway, so far the book is fantastic.  And Eddie's getting a lot of action. ;o)

Monday is a Dragonfly Penis

"Their penises are multijointed contraptions resembling high-tech prosthetic legs accessorized with horns, brushes, hooks, grabbers, spreaders and other implements designed to effect both the deposit and the retrieval of sperm, among other things."

Don't tell me the Gods don't have a sense of humor.

Sounds like a horror movie doesn't it?  If I read the above in a movie review, you know I would damn well go see that movie.  Well, you can save your $10.50 because the above is the description of the dragonfly penis.  I know... WOW.  You can read the article HERE. 

The reason I am sharing this information with you is because tomorrow is Monday.  Just remember it could always be worse... You could be a female dragonfly...

Hide your vagina from Monday before it tears you up.

Happy Zombie Jesus Day!!!

NOM NOM NOM

Remember today when you are eating your delicious Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs to keep an eye out for zombies.  Those sneaky bastards will get you at your most vunerable times!!  That's why I always enjoy my PB Eggs in my prayer closet.

HAPPY ZOMBIE JESUS DAY EVERYONE!! 

Racists should probably watch Twilight instead of Hunger Games

Those of you who know me know that I am a huge Hunger Games fan.  I read the books.  I’ve seen the movie.  I have a t-shirt.  Hell… I’m even taking archery lessons.  (Although that has more to do with Zombie Apocalypse training than anything).

Fan-fucking-tastic!!!!

Nicole recently brought THIS article to my attention.  It shows tweets and comments from people who were upset because there were black people in the movie.  They even had the gall to state that this did not coincide with the book.  

What.  The.  Fuck.

Did these fucking idiots read the same book as me?!?  Is there some kind of Nazi version where everyone is white with blue eyes and blonde hair?  Did I miss something?  The book clearly describes the characters Rue and Thresh as having “dark brown skin”.  I mean…  Its WRITTEN right there!  If you're confused, go back to your copy of the book and give it another looksee.. Or.. Maybe actually read the book this time instead of jumping on the band wagon of the next popular thing.   The fact that these assholes were surprised is beyond me.  And the fact that this actually “ruined” the movie for some makes me sad for humanity as a whole. 

The little girl who plays Rue is literally one of the most adorable kids ever.  I want to pop her on my shoulders and walk around with her.  Of course, I would train her, over time, to mock people and throw rotten fruit at them… But lets not get ahead of ourselves.   

That's right, Rue... You tell 'em. Now, get the oranges & rocks to throw.

 

Some people said that her death was not as sad because of the color of her skin.  But… Like… They put this shit on the internet for all to see.  I mean… WOW!  You might as well just write “I’m a stupid asshole” for all your friends and family to see.  However, I’ve got a sneaky suspicion that they already know.  

Exactly.

Its one thing to not give two shits about a character because the part is not acted well or the story sucks.  But the fact that they based this whole opinion because of the color of a little girl’s skin is a bit sad.  

The character Cinna is not described in the book as any race that I can remember.  So, Lenny Kravitz is a fine choice.  He did a fantastic job with the part, playing Cinna exactly how shit went down in my head when I read the book.  However, I honestly pictured John Cho from Harold and Kumar, so the movie industry kind of owes me for that one.  But I'll let it pass, since Cho is in the Total Recall remake.

Kravitz is just badass enough to play the perfect Cinna.

And don’t get me started on my love for Woody Harrelson…. That, my friends, is a whole other article that I promise to give you one day in the future.  My ode shall be epic and discussed for minutes to come.

Woody Harrelson playing my Soulmate in Zombieland

 

But I digress…

Maybe the people who hated the movie for such pitiful reasons should GO THE FUCK BACK TO WATCHING TWILIGHT!!!

That's a lot of white vamps...